I saw the new Harry Potter movie last night. It was good, but not great. I understand that omissions must be made to keep a movie under three hours, but even so, too much important stuff was left out.

Major League II is on right now. What a great movie. Bob Uecker is drunk throughout the whole thing. So is Randy Quaid. I didn't realize until just now, though, that Wesley Snipes didn't play Willie Mayes-Hayes in this one.

I went to the mall this weekend. They sure have churched that place up, what with all the recent renovations they've made. The foodcourt is about twice as big, and that's a good thing. Pizza from Sbarro is the bomb.

Anyway, it was way too crowded due to the state football championships going on here in town, so I kept the visit as brief as possible. I bought a few pairs of jeans, all of them a full four sizes smaller than the jeans I wore a year ago. I'll count that as a victory for me. :)

By the way, don't forget to hook up the Salvation Army ringers this year. I know this last year has provided us with ample opportunities for making donations, but every little bit helps. No, I'm not a volunteer for them or anything, but I've always had a soft spot in my heart for those folks. (Contrary to popular belief, my heart isn't made entirely of stone. Just the majority of it.)

OK, the verdict is in on that new show based on the Boondocks comic strip: Drop whatever you're doing, go to your DVR or VCR, and set it to record Cartoon Network every Sunday night at 10p CST. Seriously. Right now. Go do it. Because that show is the funniest, smartest show since Sifl & Olly. And brother, that's saying something. My favorite segment of that show was "Precious Roy."

Precious Roy!
Precious Roy!
Makin' lotsa suckers
Outta girls an' boys!

Sifl & Olly...what a great show. Never did simple sock puppets say so much. Back when I was about 19, my grandma was recovering from surgery and had to go into the hospital twice a day to receive some IV meds. She wasn't supposed to drive at this point, so Dad would go with her in the morning, and I'd go with her in the evening. She'd receive the meds in an outpatient room with a television, and she'd always let me watch whatever I wanted because she'd bring a book with her. And thus, Grandma was subjected to glorious shows such as Beavis & Butt-Head and Sifl & Olly. Probably not a lot of grandsons who'd do that to their grandparents, now that I think about it. She's such a sweetheart; not once did she chide me for watching shows about poorly drawn morons and the comings and goings of sock puppets.


Rock!

Theo just got back to town with his new ride. It's a BMW; you may have heard of them. That is one sweet ride. It even has seat warmers.

I went up to Omaha on Friday night. Eric, Jason, and I met up with Brad & Beth and Ted & Kelly at Stir, the nightclub inside the Harrah's casino hotel. There was a decent band playing, but the crowd resembled a meat market, in the parlance of our times. Near the end of the night, several Husker football players showed up. It was plain funny watching some of the girls in the joint react to them. There were three blonde hotties who had been sitting on the side of the bar opposite of us who had been flirting with a group of guys for quite some time. All of a sudden, one of the girls noticed the football players and stares after them for a moment. Then she nudges her two friends, who followed suit. Before I knew it, the girls were sneaking away from the guys they had been talking to and just "casually" making their way over to the Husker guys. They were playing it pretty cool with those girls, though. It seemed like they were just trying to enjoy a night off from the rigors of the football season and didn't care to be pestered by groupies.

I know exactly how they felt; I have that problem all the time.

After leaving the club, a few of us decided to go into the casino for a while. It was then that I learned a valuable lesson about not wandering too far from the herd. I was just minding my own business, playing some video poker, when some skinny black guy comes and sits down at the machine next to me. He asked how to play the game, so I just gave him a quick rundown on poker rules. I figured that'd be the end of our conversation, but the guy kept on talking. At first I thought he was just talkative, but then it became increasingly apparent that the dude was hitting on me. I tried to get him to leave me alone as politely as I could, by explaining that I was there with my girlfriend (a lie) and a few of my red-blooded, hetero friends (truth). He still wouldn't go away, so I finished up the game I was playing as quickly as I could and told him I had to go and meet up with my friends. That was when the sick bastard blatantly tried to get me to follow him to the bathroom. I figured that a casino was probably the worst place to punch a guy, so I had to be content with telling him to f*** off and getting the hell away from him as quickly as I could. When I found my friends and told them what had just happened, one of the gals told me I should feel flattered. I, however, was too full of rage and disgust to feel anything else.


Seriously, how shameless can you get? I don't care if you're gay or straight; if you think so little of yourself that you'll whore yourself out to random strangers in a public place like that, you need professional help in a bad way. And you deserve every case of the clap that you get as a result of living your life like that, too.

Moving along, in Eva Longoria news, she hosted Saturday Night Live this last Saturday. There was a sketch near the end where she endorsed a diarrhea medicine. I was laughing my ass off at that one. There she was, in a nice, tight pair of jeans, expounding on the reasons why she just can't film sexy scenes on Desperate Housewives whilst holding back the squirts.


Here's a pic of Ms. Longoria, for the five people out there who don't know who she is. Now just picture that lovely face, talking about having diarrhea. Just going at it. You might deny it, but you know it makes you want to laugh.